|THE RULES OF CHURCHISM (in random order)
Latest version, and the last, as Jim sadly passed away 31 December
>01. Go potty every chance you get.
>02. Stay out of the sun.
>03. Avoid making promises.
>04. Never give undeserved gifts or praise.
>05. Beware of undeserved gifts or praise.
>06. Winning an argument may lose a friend.
>07. Never argue if you have nothing to gain.
>08. If you must do battle, fight with someone else's troops.
>09. Nothing is what it seems to be, and nothing turns out as expected.
>10. It's easier to change a plan than to have no plan.
>11. People don't change, they get older.
>12. Nobody can predict the future.
>13. What's here today is gone tomorrow, but nothing really changes.
>14. Don't say what you don't want repeated.
>15. An erect penis has no conscience.
>16. Never loan what you can't do without.
>17. Never borrow what you can't pay for.
>18. Have a check list and follow it.
>19. Never dive in water below 80 degrees F.
>20. Always pee in your dive suit. (There's no such thing
as a dry suit.)
>21. A fish moves faster than a camera shutter.
>22. Don't piss off the golden goose.
>23. There's no problem you can hide from.
>24. Imaginative minds can always find a new problem or complaint.
>25. Rules are made to be wondered about.
>26. When asking a group to assemble, no time is a good time.
>27. There's no such thing as a water-proof camera, strobe or housing.
>28. If you were smart enough to hide your stupidity, you wouldn't
>29. The reason you dive is to get away from meaningless conversation.
>30. Always drink upstream from the herd.
>31. If you can't have a good time, be a good time.
>32. If someone else will do a dirty job, let them.
>33. Don't ask for it -- you just might get it.
>34. Whatever lens you choose, it won't fit your subject.
>35. Always hang your dripping wetsuit over someone else's locker.
>36. Don't shoot in the ocean what you can shoot in a pool.
>37. "Good enough" depends on whether your position resembles William
Tell's or that of his son.
>38. Never fart if you are the first person to take a seat in first
>39. Heed George Washington's advice: avoid entangling alliances.
>40. Avoid diving in Russian submarines unless you have a pony bottle.
>41. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it
>42. A person who is nice to you, but is rude to the waiter, isn't
a nice person.
>43. Trust everyone, but cut the cards.
>44. If at first you don't succeed, try viagra.
>45. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
>46. Work is good, but it's not that important.
>47. Be nice to your friends. You never know when you will need
them to empty your bedpan.
>48. Nap whenever possible.
>49. It's better to have something and not need it, than to need
something and not have it.
>50. Famous last words: "Oh, don't worry about that; it'll never
>51. When all is said and done, much more will have been said than
>52. If you can't take good photos, go to Church and pray.
>53. Establish the location and supply of TP before the need arises
>54. Another person's lack of preparation or reading of directions
isn't your immediate emergency.
>55. To start endless conversations, ask any group about o-ring
>56. Exercise daily, and you will live five months longer--in a
$5,000 a month nursing home.
With respect to Jim Church,
this listing provided by Neville Skinner from the Jim Church website. May
he rest in peace.